| Holla! Da Baddest Bitch is back! |
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| 04:38pm 21/01/2004 |
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Can I can an Oi Oi Oi! Well my ghastly ghouls ive been so busy with work and lives dealings that I lost interest in many of my online activites, I guess that happens when you work 60 hours a week. But its joyful when the checks come in. After much saveing an balanceing Im signing papers on a new car, a pontiac trans am, its copper with black tinted windows... im so happy. Its been along time sence my life went well. I have a job i love, money to get whatever i want, an a MAN whom I adore. But were just friends....fer now lol. But i wont get to workedup about it, nothing good ever last, but ill enjoy it while it does. Well beau's im out. You can now find me at XGrimlyFeindishX@aol.com ... for those of you with aim you can im me too on it.. (hehe some people be a bit slow ya heard) ... Anyways... toodles.
Yours Cruely,
Diva Destruction
(Anthony) |
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| The Awakeing |
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| 04:16pm 29/12/2003 |
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Well ive come out of seclusion. ill post on here tonight. I have to go to work... ::vomit:: ... and i have strep throat so i feel poopy. anyhow im off. later kittie kats! |
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| "Where is my friend when i need you most" |
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| 06:31am 26/10/2003 |
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mood:  depressed music: Durran Durran - Ordernary world
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I guess im going to vent on here- i feel like total shit- as if ive been walked on and wiped in some dead grass. hmmm. Im sitting here listening to duran duran - ordernary world....over an over an over... u catch the drift....
so heres why i feel like pure shiznit... Im so alone... and I know i shouldnt say that cause in the moments that you feel as if your going to self-destruct someone somewhere loves you....... or so they say. But who are they anyhow? Apparently they dont know me.
To the point. I met matt a year ago and we hung out--- i was like a fuckin school girl with lock jaw- he was so special i didnt wanna open my mouth incase something stuped came out...which is what usualy happens. So anyhow we hadnt talked for a while cause i thought he didnt like me and he thought i didnt like him cause i was so quiet... then a couple weeks ago he found me on gay.com chat an we started hanging out and weve become close "friends" so to speak... But we realized that we could be such better friends then "lovers". Which is all well an good. Well moveing on. Like 2 weeks ago this dude named jc im'ed me on aim from facethejury.com... and we hit it off an he was all kinds of about me. SO yeah awsome! hes a lil cuttie... and i need a husband damit- im sick of being lonley- even though ill always stick to my frigged bitch beleafs of " ill never need any man to get me buy " " No man can do for me what i cant do for myself "... an so on. But this frigged bitch of an ice queen is melting and im realizeing how alone i am. SO whats a bitch to do ehh? Well anyhow...friday night matt an i were sitting around drinking parot bay an pineapple juice. fun times.... SO i get online and Jc messages me.... an then he calls me an hes all kinds of drugged up. An he lives 97.2 miles away... but fuck it- we had our drinks.. we have mtn dew and dorrites and plenty of gas so matt an i loaded up in the honda with our substanence ... an headed for the trip... We get there and suddenly theres an instant attraction between them... WHAT IN MUTHA FUCKIN GAY HELL! ugh- anyways. Its happend befor and its going to happen again. Im noobe type and i think ill remain single...or with men who cheat on me an beat me...<>... i feel like my mom... its a vicious cycle and i cant seem to break it... im ment to be alone and friendless. An i want nothing more then to change this and be happy and shat.... but i guess i cant have my cake an eat it too. wait a min i dont even have the cake to eat... well fuck it an fight it. Ill starve, it could do me some good ehh. so yeah im sitting here chain smokeing an still listening to this song on replay... how pathetic. Someone want me? Free to good home? House broken? Okay enuph with the pathetics... Im just trying to make myself feel better. Cause well i cant get in bed cause matt an jc are in it... yeah suprise.. im sitting here fixing to cry as there cuddeled up and im just sitting here... hold me? never mind. <>... someone im me on aim and talk to me so i feel better. please. SyntheticXVanity ... well im done bitching. this probably doesnt male sence cause ive ommited alot of stuf... cause i dont feel like typein all diss shit. well im outa here.
Yours cruely... Anthony |
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| Dismay |
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| 12:33pm 13/09/2003 |
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mood:  lonely music: The sounds of my CPU.
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" So innocent, heaven sent and built to last, I'll choose my mask to protect my glasslike state an look for the lights to lead the way from the shadows that fill my soul, to a place of forgivness from the past and a rebirth from the old, but im sorry to say in my tragic dismay I wont be finding my solice today, instead I'll lay my head on this tatterd bed and dream my dreadful dreams that incite the shrillest of screams that let me know im still liveing out my sentence for crimes I never commited, but im sorry I won't lie, im to blind to open my eyes..so with this... I'll sum it up, I'll find a way to make it threw my dismay on the off chance I get another day in a life not built to last " Anthony L 9/13/03
Diva Destruction |
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| Fa la Fucking La |
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| 10:55am 10/09/2003 |
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mood:  bitchy music: ~Some german shiznit~
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Okay here's a new photo for all you stalker's out there.
An yet another pathetic photograph.
Tragic yet seductive ehh...
Okay im going to try posting more often. But i know i probably wont, This thing bore's me to some point. Oh well. Enjoy the photo's anyhow.
Yours Cruely,
Diva Destruction |
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| Dammit im bored! |
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| 01:06am 30/08/2003 |
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mood:  bored music: silence is golden
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Okay im bored so maybe this will take up some time.. anyhow. has anyone seen Final Destination 2? The 1st one was weak but this second one has my nurves fuckedup.. okay so i have this big big fear of getting into car accedents, i was in two in one day on 10-11-02 and i was about killed in the second one because i was in a little 98 nissan sentra and a big jacked up pickup with a drunk driver drove right up the back end of ous trapping me and 3 friends... an this was on the way home from the hospital for the 1st accedent that morning when we got t-boned in tampa on florida ave. Well for the longest time i was scared to get into a car let alone drive my own, but then as time passed i was peachy, i was back to my defensive driveing... mind you im a bad driver and ive been driveing almost 5 years an i have never caused an accedent.. anyhow in the beggining of the movie there is a massive pileup and 18 were killed in it.. and it was graphic.. they showed body smashing and burning flesh and everything... i froze watching it cause i had flashbacks of my accedents and the unforgetable sounds of crushing metal all around was in my head and the sound of breaks being slammed and whatnot as other drivers tried to keep from hitting ous that were behind the damn tuck... so ive been haveing i guess day dreaming flashbacks? of this in my head and nightmares but in them im in the movie and i get killed in the massive 18 car pileup... and when i was going to orlando today i freaked out so many times... and in the moveie one of the people goes to hit there breaks and a water bottle rolled under them so she couldnt hit them and her and her son got killed in it... well soo anyhow... me and demona (my friend that was driveing) got cut-off buy a car trying to go from the far right lane to the left turning lane... so demona goes an hits her brakes and what do ya know... her dam water bottle goes flying onto the floor bored and i start freaking and lunge down between her legs while shes trying to not hit this jurk driveing badly, and grab the bottle... but damnit i got that stuped bottle...okay so anyhow im done with that ranting... i havent slept in a while so im all rambly... so movieng on...
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i stretched my belly button a couple days ago and it hurts! But im going to stretch it to a 0 guage and put a plug in it then get some cool horshoe ring to put into it with like spiky balls like from a mase.. the thing like a club back in the nights and shinny armor type days... i think its gona look cool, if not ill take it out and let it shrink back to a 12 an call it even... i dunno yet.. but im def gona stretch it though, ive never seen anyone with a 0 guage in there navel lol...so yay im the 1st... okay so im outa here... tootles peoples |
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| "The stars will rain down in the night cast out of Heaven by jealous angels of death" |
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| 07:10am 27/08/2003 |
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mood:  irritated music: Silence - an the sound of my ciggarett crackling *exhails*
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"You cannot judge what you dont understand, take the blade from the child's hand, all the petty lies and the jealous whores matter little and leave me bored, Repent- Remorse- Revenge- why dont you just crucify me nail me to a cross and bite and scratch and make me scream if that will get you off..." (London After Midnight)
~ ~ ~ Im so fucking bored right now, i havent done anything with this journal in a while, i guess i just find it a bore cause noone reads it or responds to my postings...oh well i guess...im sure if my bitching in here actualy helped me then it would be all good but it doesnt, its just something to take up my wasted time as i sit here benging on snack cakes and tuna fish sandwitches that will soon be resting on my hips with the the other celulite... maybe i have something like Hippo-glicemia or something that keeps me eating when im bored...heh... Well anyhow I finaly went to get my nails done and i always go to the same place, except this time there was a new woman in there and my usual lady was off, well i was like fuck it an fight it..she just better not fuck up my nails cause i would have to fuck her up (tee hee) anyhow... somehow the price was 23 dollers instead of 17... my usual lady doesnt charge me extra for getting them longer then standard... i was mad cause i just had to enuph after buying a carton of smokes and a 12 pack. So oh well there went her tip ehh, besides i wouldnt have given her one anyhow cause she cut my finger and that shit hurts lol, and then the primer shit gets in the cut and burns like a mad mutha fucka... its just all so tragic. okay enuph about the nails..... I had a big arguement with my mother and her husband cause i work for them... well we worked this one job and the contractor stiffed ous on it and theres nothing that can be done about it cause well my mom didnt have any of the contracts left so she didnt bother filling one out so we did this $400 job for nothing.. mutha fucka! Okay so then we do this other job, and then we get paid for it an i get 75 dollers... no im sorry it doesnt work like that.. i did all this work and for 75 fuckin dollers... anyhow i voiced my opinion and my moms husband doesnt seem to like that too well because as far as hes concerned hes never wrong.. when 90% of the time he is, hes the reason my mom lost me for a year befor and i flat out told her that if he keeps this shit up shes going to loose me forever and i have no problem acking up an walking away from this "family unit" and not even looking back behind me, just get in my car and floor it to find a better place.. if one exisit anyhow. This is just starting to pile up and im fixing to snap, and when i snap its not pretty, i take out everything an everyone around me, lol im like an atomic bomb or someshit just waiting for someone to push just the right button and send me blasting....moveing on... does anyone else have issues with pet names from people you dont even know? These old men keep hitting on me and everytime one of them calls me baby, or hunny, or sugar, i just want to go off on them, its an anoyance or maybe im just bitter against anything affectinate...i mean i dont mind names like that when i know someone but from a stranger whos like 30 years senior me then eww...if your old enuph to be my mommas daddy then why the fuck you trying to mack up on my shit yo... its wrong, if your haveing the whole midlife crisis thing going on then go buy a sports car, and if you insist on trying to get with me there better be a 3 Karrot Harry Winston Diamond in one hand and a checking account with my name in the other, fuck i need something out this ehh. Anyhow i cant remember anything else that was unnurveing me but when it hits me ill be back to blast off about it... till next time kitty kats... Sweetest Screams
Yours Cruelly,
Diva Destruction |
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| ~Diva Destruction~ |
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| 03:53am 19/08/2003 |
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mood:  contemplative music: Funker Vogt - Spread your legs
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okay heres some pics of me that my friend finaly sent to me lol.
( Read more... ) |
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| "If I should stay I would only be in your way" |
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| 06:07am 17/08/2003 |
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mood:  melancholy music: Ladytron - Playgirl
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Hmmm i hvent been on here in a long time.. so heres a new picture...
An yet another...
Okay thats it for you photo whores...
Hmmm okay im sittig here listening to whitney Houston **insert drug related joke** and playing around with some web building programs, as if i know how to do html work... i dunno i was hopeing i could edit some photos wiff it but oh well... hehe. This has been a bit of a boreing past few days... i went to work yesterday and i about killed my dayum back, fuckin construction cleanup! Oh well it keeps me fit an toned... **hacks**.... Yesterday my friend cameover to spend the weekend wich is awsome cause i been bored and lonly and it was nice to have someone to cuddle wiff... its been a while sence i had a non drug induced sleep, i uualy have to drug myself up untill i pass the fuck out for 12 hours... damn lonlyness damn it to hell! oh well i would rather be alone in the long run.... SO tomorrow Demona and I are saposed to go to Niki's to have Aleta put her dreads in, i think its gona be awsome.. i hope we get around to doing mine... i hate my short hair...even though i bleached out the back and died it *Sin-A-Men* as the color is called... its actualy really bright but my cam sucks so it cameout dark looking in the pics... go figure.. oh well... anyhow im not really into the whole journal thing right now so im outa here... meh.... |
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| Liposucktion- $2000, Laser hair removal- $800, Lower Face Lift- $950...Perfection- Priceless |
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| 05:54am 10/08/2003 |
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I went to muh friend Demonas and we got our chill on while watching "The truth about cat's an dog's", its such an awsome movie, and how we over ate pot roast and mashed potatos an then ate soo much icecream but atleast it was made with -Splenda-... Were talking about getting memberships to a gym now...cause when we met i was 165lbs and a 32 waste and she was ###lbs but in the course of our friendship we seem to find so much enjoyment out of eating all the time so im up to 200lbs and shes at ###lbs...So we made a plan to help eachother loose the weight the right way seeing as its both ourfalts we got eachother fat again....whoop whoop...when im done ima be a built bitch with a body like whooaa, but when i meet that goal i have a feeling ill sell out to myself and endup going butch and becomeing all man pretty...oh well...nothing is stable anyhow so ill just go with the flow or whatever.
I need to find some new hobbies or something...today i slept all day literaly except for a couple hours untill demona came rapping at my window to wake me for the movie and benging session. I need to find a job thats like 50+ hours a week, right now i work for one of my mother's companies wich is awsome cause I get 12 dollers an hour and i dont do much but then again i dont work too often....i just need something to occupy my time and well make money too cause i wont keep liveing like this, i want to be liveing on my own again and whatnot...
Okay i need more live journal friends lol, i love reading peoples entrys and whatnot but at the same time i should make myself more known and post more in the community's...Im just an internet whore though and love the whole online people interaction thing...
Heres another photo for those of you who just look in here for my pictures....
anyhow im outa here...
Yours Cruely
Diva~ |
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| "Fuck your opinions, Fuck your lack of spine." |
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| 09:02am 09/08/2003 |
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mood:  annoyed music: Fisherspooner - Emerge
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So its going on like 13 hours of no sleep, i need to just take some sleeping pills and wash em down with everclear an maybe ill get the rest i should have but till then i figured i would ramble on in here or something... sorry to thoses of you who actualy read this thing but theres so few of your who actualy read my postings i just never have any interest in keeping it up to date.
Well its been like 3 months sence i got my navel done so i decided i would change my navel ring to this adorable little bat with motion wings... so much for that, none of the jewlery i have will fit all the staffs are too small...i feel so fat now, but i know why they wont, its cause i dont have a "hood" on my belly button so they had to do it in my "stomach" right above my belly button and it was done too deep but it has healed perfect, i guess i cant wear all the cute stuf so ill be stuck with rings.. ehh... or i can loose weight an get a flat stomach again...i think its about time for me to join pro anna nation again...i use to weight almost 300 and starved myself to 160 but im back to 200 now so im freaking, none of my awsome cloathes fit me anymore...im just scared if i do it again ill loose too much weight an go from some goal of like 130 an well im tall an big boned anyhow so thats just horrable....
this was pretty much my motivation befor to stop starveing myself and leave the sugar free pepermint diet alone... but the bigger i get the more i want to look like that, im just scared cause i dont want to be a monster again... maybe ill go to a fat camp......
I went shoping and i got some new boots, there platforms with 5 industreal buckles on them and there made buy demonia... my friend works for hot topic so i saved alot of money on them... im actualy very anti-hottopic shoes... but i figured if there demonia they should last a couple days longer lol. who knows time will tell ehh...
okay im silly tired so im going to run away to bed and hope for the best now... sweetest screams kitty kats...
Yours Cruely,
Diva Destruction~ |
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| 06:41pm 06/08/2003 |
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this is a test run to see if the photo thing will work.
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| I want my silence to keep, You up at night I want you to know the hatred You incite. |
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| 12:42am 05/08/2003 |
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mood:  amused music: assemblage 23 - Let me be your armor
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"ersatz aesthetic: Thankyou for the bashing in FaceTheJury. I thought you said you were over it? Harharhar. Anyhoo ... I've been doing people's makeup ever since I was in Orlando and they have no complaints about mine or there's so tahnks. Either way I took new pics of ME w/o and w/ my -own- nmakeup job and they resulted in some 130 comments and none of themw ere "eww you ugly bitch* ... Your stupid litlte fucking bashing on these stupid little sites will get you nowhere but unpopular. People love me Anthony, and if I really wanted you wouldn't have friends from those sites."
(that was a mssg from Jake - glitterdevil- and here is my reply)
~ Jake I told you I was done with you...you were nothing but a glitch in my life and you've been deleated, you were a mistake on my part, I should have never dated you. An if you want my little bashing to be removed then remove your little bashing of me... I told you I give what I get... An your comment about you trying to be nice an cival to me when you were trying to talk to me on aim...like i said earlyer "your niceness is as fake as your kiss" the only reason you were trying to be nice was because you wanted something from me, your phone #'s. That was a stuped mistake on your part to leave them here but oh well, youll get them when I get my things. An as far as people not likeing me on these websites, unlike you I dont gain my happyness an self worth buy who approves of me or not on here, most of these people arent anything to me accept for fellow online users, so there approval of me means zero. Yet to you there the next roof you sleep under and the next person to feed off of, anyone who takes you in is truly stuped...you should be on the street if you choose to live an unstable life and not work and just bumb off people..if it will help any ill buy a permit to spare change in downtown...anyhow.. If you think you're that much of a live journal "god" and your "worshipers" worship you to such a black sheep following extent then go ahead and make them hate me all you want. I have overcome worse then you and I will keep overcomeing worse then you. Nothing can or will hold me down... If you think you had such a fiearce impact on me then your saddly mistaken an truly jaded. ~ As far as your doing your own makeup... its a nock off of the original makeup I did on you cause that was the 1st time you ever had anyone complement you on your makeup... go learn your own style, I made mine... I was a title holding female impersonator and learned how to do all my own makeup myself... if it wasnt for me you would have never learned that q-tips and spit can be one of the best god sent creations to do you makeup.... you never blended, your idea of eyebrows was a stright line that dropped straight down at the end.. you never thought of doing your cheaks...how ubber tacky! Anyhow....In concluseion... stop the bullshit jake im over it, besides you know I will have the last word.. I always have the last word, back down jake.. or youll just make your wounds deeper...... its over.....this drama is over....your over....goodbye |
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| 06:51pm 03/08/2003 |
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mood:  relaxed music: TLC - Damaged
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OKay so theres nothing new goin on, just uber bordom, ill do a posting tonight or somthing, till then.... |
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| 01:23am 02/08/2003 |
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mood:  mellow music: silence
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okay i did this for the hell of it but i dont agree with it.. lol
You represent... desire.
You sure are motivated. You have a definite knack
for getting what you want. You always put your
own interests before those of others, and you
almost always find youself being satisfied.
Though you have determination, try some
compassion. Putting others first occassionally
can get you even more satisfying relationships.
What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Dress me up and rip me apart. |
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| 09:12pm 01/08/2003 |
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mood:  aggravated music: jack off Jill - When i am queen
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Im so anoyed, I havent been so ashamed of being homosexual is such along time, but as I look at my fellow homo's it makes me sick to think im part of the same group as they. I was just on www.gay.com in the Orlado Citywide chatroom cause I go in there in moments of uber bordom...and its just sickening, all the guys want is cheap fucks and they get mad when they assume im after some cheap thrills, and then theres the ones who try and start shit...like this one nigger (used in the sence of its true meaning, ignorance)...decided he would start some shit with me, i sapose people think i wont say anything back but fuck that, people open there mouth and i dont like what they have to say then im going to say something back, well anyhow he seemed to think that calling me the "queen of the damned" is some sort of cut down... comon people if your going to make cheap attacks on my person, atleast be cunning about it so you dont look so foolish...i sapose he had some sort of dick pride going on but it wasnt much at all...anyhow to the point, why is it gay men have to be so pathetic and attacking at one another, fuck we fought together for our rights and whatnot....we got them and now we turn on eachother...its sickening, if i could layout who i was i would totaly have chosen to be heterosexual...thing's would have been so much easyer, but in all honesty there is one girl i gave it all up for and i would do it again but i lost her and thats my falt...but if i could have her back then i would be uber happy and turn my back on homosexuality...yes i know thats wrong...going against who i am...but damit i spent my life fighteing to be who i am, i went against my familys beleafs an i lost friends, i delt with harrassment while going threw a redneck hillbilly school an yet i always held my headup...but its starting to fall...call me bitter if you wish...but damit im just sick, when something or someone comes along and restores my faith in in then maybe my views will change again...or maybe im just so anoyed that im just acting jaded. who knows cause i sure as fuck dont... its just time for the drama to end, ive already quit doing drag and stoped going to gay clubs...i dont hangout with gay people anymore except for a select few who dont let being gay run there lifes...i beleave that you can be gay and be who you are, but dont fuckin let being gay be all you are. anyhow im done with this bitter ramble... Till next time~ |
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| 11:14pm 27/07/2003 |
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mood:  cold music: Damned - Grimly Feindish
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Well I havent updated in a while, I should start keeping up with this, allthought i dont know why I bother. Its not like anyone reads it...they just all look at the pictures i post, wich is all good but still... speaking of pictures, i dont think ill be posting anymore for a while. Ive been useing www.villagephotos.com and there bandwith for hosting is just pure shit, its evil lol. Then i switched to tripod and after all the work i did on it they wont host...and well yahoo wont allow photo hosting anymore eather so yeah...what the fuck ever...so i might just post links to pics or something i dont know. moveing on... I went to the Castle on thursday i think... i cant remember, but it was like pop/new wave night, i didnt think i would like it but it was kinda deacent...they played Emerge buy Fisher Spooner and i love the video for it, its like one of the most awsome, the chick in the song reminds me of when i was performing cause i did alot of club kid drag...anyhow we played some pool there and then these 3 scarry girls walked up and was like... "you all want to play teams"...so my friend in all his drunk and horny glory was like "sure"...these girls totaly freaked me out... i dont know its superfical of me to say but they were just pure creepyness. ANyhow i ended up haveing to be the designated driver and that means i get to drive I-4 and i HATE driveing i-4... it freaks me out... i use to drive it every weekend when i lived with my ex in tampa but now i dont like driveing... but it was okay cause i-4 isnt to horrable at 3 in the morning... but the hour and a half drive is murder...so yeah that was my boreing trip to the Castle...oh i want to become a dancer there, it looks like fun! lol...and i miss being in the spot light...i dunno i guess i still have a bit of a performer in me or something. Who knows i was even thinking about getting into doing drag again, but if i do im takeing in the orlando scean like mad...nomore lake county and ocala performing... its time for me to be something other then miss lake county newcomer...its such a redneck title.. **spits**...moveing on...im growing increaseingly tired of jake (glitterdevils) bullshit...why cant people just drop shit and move on... if he thinks hes going to hurt my feelings and brake me down its not going to work, everyone who knows me knows my heart is cold as ice and hard as stone...love dont live here anymore...anyhow all his slandering and stuped shit isnt going to get to me like he thinks it will... he can keep on saying what he likes and to the pathetic people who listen to him well there just that... pathetic. This is the reason why i stayed out of the dateing pool for so long and why i avoid the orlando gay culture... tooooo much mutha fuckin drama...its disgusting! an i refuse to be pulled back into it anymore then i already have...this shits comeing to a close and its going to be very soon...thats about it as far as what has been the anoyance in my life right now. moveing on... i still need to finish my hair... i dont know if i want to just finish with micro braids all over of do dreads on the rest...i love me some big hair so i might just go the dreads rout...besides micro braids are itchy as fuck, im saprised i havent pulled them out from scratching fits...but there cute so its the price to pay to be beautyful ehh...anyhow im done with the current ramble...im out of here kitty kats... tootles |
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sintheticvanity's journal
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